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Question: If you ever had a 'friend' who was detrimental to ur self-development(for yrs.)how did you tell them off

(Posted by: deirdrefaith on 2007-09-21 22:41:53)

How did you tell them off finally? Okay, let's say u moved from your home town many yrs. ago where most of your family and friends were at the time for yrs. You made urself a pretty good life in many ways, but FELT STUCK w/ a "friend " you'd originally made when u were only a teen. LIfe goes on, you went to college, work of course, but it so happened this friend of yours lives in your town, and they basically are the only person you've socialized w/ for yrs. The problem IS everything seems to be 'on their terms', they whine all the time and u end up feeling used as a sounding board and manipulated emotionally a lot of the time, and they play the "poor lil' ol' me' card " constantly. After U REMOVE yourself finally from this troubled individual, WHERE does one find a *new* person to hang out with?? To go have fun with? It feels like it's hard because naturally everyone is so busy w/ their lives inc. yourself but all you have missing is just a nice person to chat w/ and go have fun

Posted by: Mami C on 2007-09-22, 05:53:29

I had a friend just like this. She was horrible and for years I had a "veil " over my eyes about her - just couldn't see the things she was doing. Turns out that she had been lying to me since we were 15 (and I found out when I was 24) about some of the things she was doing - was told by a close family member of hers that she would always talk trash about me behind my back and got insanely jealous when I would hang out with other friends. She also used me after she'd gotten married - she would cheat on her husband and use my as an excuse and NOT tell me that she did it. The worst part about that is her husband had become one of my good friends - so we talked a lot. Needless to say several times I had to cover her and my butts because of her lying and running around. After the "family member " told me everything that one faithful day - I never did "tell her off " because I'm too nice of a person to just come out and do that unless really provoked, so I just stopped taking her calls. Thankfully, I always had caller ID and would never answer when her number showed up (which at one point she was calling me, no joke, eight to ten times a day) - and when she was able to catch me and want to hang out or something - I always made some excuse. I've slowly distanced myself from her and have found that I'm so much happier, I don't feel as drained and stressed as I used to. I would talk to my mom about her and my mom made a reference that made so much sense, she called people like her "Emotional Vampires, they suck everything out of you with their drama and problems and games. " And it's so true. As for finding new people to hang out with and chat with and go have fun - that's kind of difficult, especially if you have trust issues with people. But maybe people you work with, you can find friends and ladies to go out and have a drink with and become close with. Or a gym or some other activities you have around in your area. The thing is, you've got to get out there and do it and be open and out going. People aren't just going to knock on your door and say, "Hey, you wanna be friends? " Good luck, and I'm glad you're getting this person out of your life. It's hard and it's a change but in the end it's totally worth it - I promise. You deserve a friend who is as much there for you as you are for them. Friendship is like love - a two way street.

Posted by: kckmellons on 2007-09-21, 22:55:51

I had that very exact problem with a friend and she was calling me 4 to 5 times a day to tell me the same crap everyday. she was always telling me to leave my husband and move in with her and would put me down and try to make me feel bad about myself. i felt like she was my only bf and really she wasn't. what i did was i just cut her out. i quit answering her phone calls and i blocked her emails. i didn't tell her off because it would have ended up being a screaming match and i didn't want her or my own children to hear that. i found that once i did that i had a better attitude on life and no longer dreaded everytime the phone rang. she got the point, and i have made new friends from work. and i enjoy them and i got in touch with some old friends and that was fun too. i found out that once i got rid of her people liked me better. you can always make new friends and if someone is detrimental in your life and is not a good friend and is causing more stress than they are worth then some times you just have to cut ties. i hope that this helps and good luck