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Posted by: shaneris5 on 2009-02-10, 04:54:10
Regularly monitor your internal monologue (self talk): write down the negative ones: "I'm really ugly " and then the converse: "I'm fairly good looking ", and next time you become aware that you are thinking the former, visualise, as vividly as possible, a big "STOP!!! " sign, and/ or a stern faced person wagging a finger at you, and deliberately repeat 5 times, either aloud, in a big voice, if alone, or subvocally (to yourself, in your mind), the converse affirmation. Some people go so far as to keep a wide rubber band in their pocket, then put it around their wrist, when they catch themselves backsliding, stretch and release it, as a method of reprogramming their mind sooner, but I don't regard it as being strictly necessary. Remember to remove it, afterwards, if you use this method. Habits take about 30 - 40 repetitions to become established, with most people. Cease comparing yourself unfavorably with others, using the STOP sign: "I am a unique individual, with potential, and my own set of skills ". Keep your head up, and look people in the eye, or on the bridge of their nose. See self esteem/ confidence, in section 38, at ezy-build.net.nz/ ~shaneris and consider volunteering, even from home, at first. It will also provide a solid basis in reality for the daily affirmations: "I am a good person, who is valued by my community, because I ..(insert activity here).. " Section 47 also refers. On volunteering outside the home, you will come into contact with supportive people, and receive positive feedback for your efforts, which will be obviously appreciated: there are many options; one is sure to suit you. Practice one of the relaxation methods in sections 11, 2, 2c, or 2i, daily, and when needed. Also, give the EFT a good tryout, to see if it helps you. Sections 53, and 2, 2.q and 2.o at ezy-build also refer. "Even though I sometimes have low self esteem/ confidence, I deeply and completely accept myself ", as you use the acupressure massage/ tapping. Read: "Lift your mood now. " by John D Preston, Psy.D. 2001, New Harbinger Publications, Inc., 5674 Shattuck Avenue, Oakland. CA 94609 amazon.com/ may be worth trying for this, (or other books on the subject, via the searchbar) as it has a good section on building self esteem, using a different approach. I have recently encountered another opinion, however, which is that, just as it is important to build a house on a solid foundation, so it is with self esteem. Learn to forgive yourself for your past mistakes, and failures, or inadequacies. What do you want to improve or change about the way you interact with others? Try to make only one change at a time. Always check you progress before making another change. Celebrate your journey, not your destination. Learn to always feel good about where you are now, and to exude self-confidence about anywhere you might find yourself tomorrow. Set clear goals for yourself before every interaction. Know what you want. Think about how the people you will be meeting can help you reach those goals. Then decide how to approach each person accordingly. Apply this regularly and you will notice a difference. Be proactive. Take the initiative. Be decisive. Let the other person know exactly how he or she can help you. Proactive people tend to be more successful in their career. Treat each person you meet as if she or he is truly important. (You'll be amazed how this works.) Give a firm handshake; look the other person straight in the eye. Practice both of these. Your handshake should be just right. Not too firm and not too loose. Train yourself to notice something you like or find attractive in the person. Listen! Listen! Listen! Teach yourself to develop good listening skills. Learn a way to remember the other person's name. If in doubt simply ask for the name again 2 or 3 sentences into the conversation. Here is an exercise that can help you. It is called "Act as if. " When you are in a social situation, act as if you are confident, and outgoing. Talk more, smile at everyone, ask questions, speak in a normal or excited tone, not a meek tone. Watch some of your outgoing peers, and imitate the style of their social behavior. Research shows that when you "act as if " continually, your image of yourself begins to conform to your new behavior. In this case, you will gain self-esteem and self-confidence. You will become more socially successful, and this will motivate you to continue your new social behavior until it becomes a habit. |
