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Question: Would appreciate any advice to help my male mindset?

(Posted by: Clutch! on 2008-10-05 13:03:48)

Hey there, thanks for reading this. My ex grilfriend broke up with me 3 months ago, and i was very upset over this. She wasnt very good to me, and i became very insecure I haven't had sex yet, she wasnt really ready, but 'technically' I lost my virginity to her. I was crushed yesterday to find out (at a party in the most unfortunate way) that she's dating someone else. Anyway my mind is going crazy. I feel nothing like a man right now, and definetely during our relationship as well because she wasnt ready to have sex and was basically "teasing me " with it. I ended up having like performance anxiety issues..and now alone..major confidence issues on top of that. I'm 21 now..in my final year of school..and feel that i cant start over and that i feel a bit scared about what lies in the future with me and sex. It's killing me as a male here. Please help me to get the right mindset back!! just an added note..she wasnt a virgin. she had sex with her previous boyfriend. It was the fact that she wasnt ready to have sex with ME. that caused the insecurity issues, i wouldnt have had them if she was a virgin..it wouldnt have bothered me. thanks a lot for helping guys

Posted by: Esq. on 2008-10-05, 13:12:32

Don't worry so much. Your girlfriend seems to have been a tease, which isn't considerate of you and your needs. But you have to respect that it was her choice to remain a virgin and that is no reflection on your masculinity. If you are busy with school , you are probably stressed and don't have time for a girl or sex, so chill. When you least expect it, love comes along. It seems like you are forcing yourself and worrying about your love life. That will be annoying to any woman who is near you, you need to be more easy going and self confident.

Posted by: fordy6924 on 2008-10-05, 13:12:35

Don't worry about it too much take it slow when u meet some one new don't rush into things and don't go for one night stands while your still a little insecure find some one who is maybe a little inexperienced too and learn together the right person will understand

Posted by: Radius on 2008-10-05, 13:18:11

You need to forget about the bad experience you had with her. She wasn't that good to you either and has already a new boyfriend:a teaing bitch. Don't let her behavior influence you. She ain't worth it. Work on yourself esteem there must be some left,right. Show the world around you,that you don't care. In due time you will be ok again. Radius

Posted by: d on 2008-10-05, 13:42:58

1st u don’t want to hear this but, U R still very young. I was about ur age when I allowed (key word, we allow people to affect us good n bad; took me a long time to learn that) a girl to devastate me. I was experienced in the sex area but that doesn’t matter when I was in so psychological despair. It’s true time heals all wounds IF we allow it. The hard part is getting back up n dusting yourself off. U need 2 do that as fast as possible and not blame her for everything. Find stuff to occupy ur time constructively, Studies, friends(good 1s), n even exercise; helps physically n emotionally. The sex part is difficult; sounds like u might b a little insecure from n before this girl. But it hit me too. Confidence is something u already have, u just haven’t found it yet, BUT it is there. We don’t always know what is best for us, we think we do but emotion clouds many choices, actions, n the decisions we make. True friends can help, they know us better then are selves when we r going through rough trials. U may even have a friend that is a girl around u right now that could be a good friend or maybe more. Be patient, positive and try having a little faith. Hope this helps. Email me if u want, I didn’t make it past the hard times alone, n I’m a control freak. That last part is a kicker, better u didn’t loose ur virginity w/ her. U would have wanted to forget it; worse then repairing ur heart n insecurity. The 1st time should be great. A girl I know got me drunk n took mine when I was young. Not complaining just learned from it