Lack Of Self Confidence Homepage

Question: Loneliness, shyness and lack of self confidence and social skills: how to deal with this horrible combination?

(Posted by: daviddesmedt on 2007-01-29 09:15:53)

I'm lonely. I'm constantly forced in social situations at school, but I always screw up. I can't start or maintain a good conversation. People won't talk to me that often either. Whenever I finally talk to someone I end up saying awkard stuff in an awkard way, thus ending the conversation. I have friends but they're no real friends. They don't support me and they're not stimulating for my social life. They're mostly PC and WoW addicts and don't go out themselves. How they manage to lead a happy life is beyond me. Even my best friend doesn't support me when I try to open up and talk about my feelings. I've been trying so hard for the past 5, 5 years and the situation has just slightly improved. My feelings have worsened though. I try to be as positive as possible and noone knows I'm depressed, so it's not like people don't like me because I'm negative. I lack social skills. Pls give me some advice. Should I see a therapist? Are there people who can help with this kind of stuff?

Posted by: mevlana on 2007-01-29, 09:25:39

You could see a therapist or maybe a doctor for some antidepressants if you are depressed. I think some people get sad in the winter. I know that I do. You could go to the library and check out some books on shyness...Sometimes it is just about getting thru each day...some positive affirmations can help some..like "Everyday in everyway, I'm getting better and better " and "Everything is going to be alright "...as I say these things to you , I am also trying to believe them for myself..Don't give up..I will say a prayer for you..Please say a prayer for me..thanks..

Posted by: danz4me82 on 2007-01-29, 09:25:55

There's always self-help books but IMO it's better to get hands on practice if you really want to change things. But try not to exude all of these traits that you're talking about. If you feel awkward and socially lacking then whoever you're talking to will pick up on it. Trust me. Just relax and say whatever truly comes into your mind. Don't say what you think the other person is expecting or what you think SHOULD be said. Say what you would say to a member of your family in that situation. Just relax and be confident about what you say.

Posted by: Matt K on 2007-01-29, 09:28:07

Im an advocate of talking to someone such as therapy but i would also say that you might just want to try to suck it up one night and go to a club or bar. dont know how old u are, but forcing yourself to go into socail scenes might help such as the way to deal with a phobia.

Posted by: bmac on 2007-01-29, 09:30:46

Yes, you have to see a therapist. I'm sorry, but your friend is probably sick of hearing you complain for the last 5 years. Friends can only be so supportive if you aren't getting help, it's hard to hear it all the time. The same thing over and over. If nothing changes, nothing changes. Medication alone is NOT the answer. It's only meant to help you through the therapy. If you don't see the therapist, it's like putting a bandaid on a gunshot wound. It will stop the bleeding for a second, then it's no good. Trust me....EVERYONE knows you are depressed. You think you are hiding it....you aren't. Go see a professional. Be honest with them and have a TRUE desire to want to get better.

Posted by: SuperCityRob on 2007-01-29, 09:32:26

Yes, what you describe leads me to believe you have low self-esteem and certainly you have NO real friends. You would do well to go to therapy where you would have a safe environment in which to talk all these things 'out' with her/ him. Many people are similar these days. It's easier to just get on the computer and avoid real life. If we don't like someone or something we just "X " them off. I have had this problem as well, and therapy is a good way to explore all the topics you mention. I am sure you are valued and loved by many people. Try giving yourself a break. Good luck.

Posted by: Rachel Bitchface on 2007-01-29, 09:34:07

I don't know how old you are but if your old enough to get a job I suggest that because you will make friends there and you will earn money and responsibility that will boost yourself esteem. Good luck.

Posted by: kwkw1 on 2007-01-29, 09:36:11

Whether or not you should see a therapist is your choice. It depends on how bad you want to overcome your "problem ". A while ago I went through the same thing. It started my freshman year at high school. I went to counseling for it and it helped me a lot. So, yes there are definitely people out there that can help you. Another idea for the school thing if you are uncomfortable in school is DAAD ( diploma at a distance ). I am currently in this program because school has been making me so stressed out because of all the people. It lets you get your high school diploma right at home by doing assignments online. I am so happy with it because I dont have to be social with anyone. Whatever you choose to do will help, trust me. I hope this helps you.

Posted by: Anthony F on 2007-01-29, 09:40:52

Talk to your guidance counselor, or your parents. You do seem to have a problem here, and as you say, need to see a therapist. Good luck.

Posted by: Silenz on 2007-01-29, 09:44:28

Your ok, don't think any less of yourself. There is no need to try and strike up conversations with people you don't give a damn about for the sake of having a conversation. If you want to talk about something you will. I'm glad your recognizing your "true " friends from your "fake " ones. That will save a lot of heartache and stress later on. People like us will never be in the spotlight, nor do we crave it. You don't have to talk to anyone you don't want to and if people don't ant to talk to you, screw 'em! They're not a vital part of your existence. You have far more meaningful gifts than social skills. It'll just take time for you to recognize them. Keep your head up!

Posted by: z35012 on 2007-01-29, 09:45:53

A lot of that stuff is usually an issue when you are younger and also probably caused by depression. The first thing to do is to get yourself feeling better so you can get that energy up to meet new people and put yourself in some fun social situations. There might be several reasons you dont have confidence and you can discuss that with a psychologist and get out all your feelings to someone who will listen to. Chances are your best friend might be having problems of his/ her own that make it hard for that person to be more giving or able to listen. Maybe trying an antidepressant would be a good idea too. A chemical embalance can start a whole chain of problems and kickin that might help you think a little more clearer. I used to be really shy when I was younger and I would analyze everything to death. Before I spoke I must have ran the stuff in my head fifty times before I spit it out. After awhile I learned that people dont really give a damn because most dont really pay any attention. If you normally dont talk much its hard for people to be drawn to you. Its basically the fear of the unknown its not like something is wrong with you. People are just as afraid as you are and they dont always give the best conversations either. If you choose to see a therapist its a good start in learning how to express yourself. If you dont like it thats fine as long as you try a few things. good luck:)

Posted by: Judy P on 2007-01-29, 09:54:15

Practice makes perfect. everybody goes through awkward times dont feel alone in this. you are unique in seeing what is important. i sense leadership in your personality. you will have to make your own way and soon others will gravitate to you. be careful about the kind of example you set.